Changing Seasons

Maybe it's because I was too in love with being in college, but ever since my freshman year I've come to gauge my growth and accomplishments for the year around the month of May aka the ending of a school session. Even though I'm no longer a student (tear), my mind has been turning to that familiar place of questioning and gauging in recent weeks...

What did I do this year that I should be proud of?
How did I grow?
How did I change?
Did I change?
What am I sorry for?
What do I still need to work on?

I've found that this year has changed me a lot - not all for the better - but it has changed me.

Good things - I moved to a new city, got a new job, new friends...umm, what else...new haircut? :)

Bad things - I lost focus. I lost the focus of staying in better contact with a lot of really wonderful people and the focus of pushing myself to be better emotionally, spiritually and physically.

I think sometimes when there are too many "news" in the mix, it's easy to lose track of some of the more valuable things about yourself. For example, I've always considered myself to be a very strong person, it's one of my attributes that I'm the most proud of actually. I'd never been scared that there was something I couldn't do or a problem I wouldn't be able to solve. However, looking back on this year I can see that I've been really rattled and as a result have lost some of my strength.

I would have thought I would have come out the other end of this year with a new and brighter perspective, but to be honest I'm just kind of exhausted. Exhausted from pushing myself and exhausted from questioning every decision I make that has come with the territory of making so many changes within such a short period of time. Even though it may seem strange, I'm definitely ready for more change and am not afraid of it - it just needs to be the type of change that's good for me in all aspects of my life...not just change for the sake of change. I feel like things are looking up though. It's one of the wonderful things about the coming of Spring - it makes me believe that good, healthy change is just as close as the warm weather. :)